The source of my inspiration for this post comes from my favorite track on the new IBC cd, "Changing Times". But all of you Gateway folks, just know I still love ya ;)
There's this lovely lady I met a couple of weeks ago that goes to IBC named Farrah Easter and she wrote and sings the most awesome and powerful song, "I Extend Mercy" and it is one of those that gets to me in a way most songs don't. And yes, it is currently on repeat. Ha.
So many times I forget that God is always right there. Literally, walking with me everyday. And while this is common knowledge for a child of God, I don't think I fully utilize the power He offers. All I have to do is extend my hand to Him and he'll fill the space in between.
God is always there showing mercy, grace, peace, love, joy, etc., but most of the time I don't give Him the opportunity to bless or move.
It blows my mind.
Whenever the devil thinks he's going to get me and beat me over the head for something I've done, I let him.
But here is the God of all glory, extending his many blessings and his amazing and beautiful love and mercy, but I won't even open the door for Him to move.
Okay, I'm done. Now, everybody, go buy "Changing Times"!
..do you cry
When you think no ones around
Do you think
That I don't see your tears that hit the ground
So would it hurt for you to try to trust me though I know you doubt
That I see you dying inside and beating up yourself
Your life could be much richer with me
Cause time and time again,
I extend mercy
I extend healing
I extend blessings
I offer you peace
I extend love
I extend grace
I extend hope
and I offer you these
If you'll extend your hand to Me.
You gotta keep holding on, pushing on, keep pressing on.
You're coming out stronger!
..only because it has been ages
5.28.2009
I'm only posting this because 1) it has been ions since my last post and 2) because I am avoiding the enormous task of cleaning my house. I have washed and folded and hung up clothes for nearly three hours now and I have made absolutely no progress.
Is this normal?
Are my clothes reproducing while I'm not looking?
I need to have this checked out.
I've been on the road a lot lately so I've managed to let my house work pile up to the point that it is inevitable. It has to be done.
I have three more weeks until I get to go see my family.
Thank you Jesus! It has been way too long. I honestly don't think I've ever gone this long without even seeing them..
I went on a little shopping spree and came out with some new things including, but not limited to, my new favorite glasses. Not many people will be thrilled to see me in them. [See picture below for further explanation.]
But does that stop me? Of course not. I love em =)
Here's a little song that's stuck in my head lately. So old, but always a favorite of mine.
To Ever Live Without Me
Jody McBrayer
The choices, even though you knew the lines
You'd have to cross for me
You made them anyway
Voices, as you knelt there in the garden
'Neath the olive tree
You heard me call your name
I cannot pretend to understand it all
But heaven knew the reason you were there
It was all about a man
It was all about a cross
It was all about the blood that was shed
So I would not be lost
It was all about the love
That was bigger than a life
It was all about a freedom that was given
Through your sacrifice
'Cause you would rather die
Than to ever live without me
Helpless, that's humanity without your saving grace
So misled
Selfless, you could have called ten thousand angels
Down to take your place
But you took mine instead
I cannot pretend to understand it all
But heaven knew the reason you were there
A greater love has no one than this
That he will lay his life down for his friends
Is this normal?
Are my clothes reproducing while I'm not looking?
I need to have this checked out.
I've been on the road a lot lately so I've managed to let my house work pile up to the point that it is inevitable. It has to be done.
I have three more weeks until I get to go see my family.
Thank you Jesus! It has been way too long. I honestly don't think I've ever gone this long without even seeing them..
I went on a little shopping spree and came out with some new things including, but not limited to, my new favorite glasses. Not many people will be thrilled to see me in them. [See picture below for further explanation.]
But does that stop me? Of course not. I love em =)
Here's a little song that's stuck in my head lately. So old, but always a favorite of mine.
To Ever Live Without Me
Jody McBrayer
The choices, even though you knew the lines
You'd have to cross for me
You made them anyway
Voices, as you knelt there in the garden
'Neath the olive tree
You heard me call your name
I cannot pretend to understand it all
But heaven knew the reason you were there
It was all about a man
It was all about a cross
It was all about the blood that was shed
So I would not be lost
It was all about the love
That was bigger than a life
It was all about a freedom that was given
Through your sacrifice
'Cause you would rather die
Than to ever live without me
Helpless, that's humanity without your saving grace
So misled
Selfless, you could have called ten thousand angels
Down to take your place
But you took mine instead
I cannot pretend to understand it all
But heaven knew the reason you were there
A greater love has no one than this
That he will lay his life down for his friends
Momisms.
5.06.2009
Moma's Day is fast approaching and for the first time in my entire life, I won't see mine.
Is that not sad? It got me thinking of all the reasons I love my mom. Not just the standard "She's there for me when I need her." "She takes care of me when I'm sick." and that whole "She gave me life" thing.. But the things that make me think about her and the things that come to mind when I think of my mom, Deidre Lynette Holaway Thomason.
She always cooks on Sundays. Occasionally when I was growing up, we would go get chicken at Tootie's or MAYBE go to Pizza Hut in Oakdale. But most of the time when I pitched a fit to go eat nasty restaurant food, my mom had "something in the slow cooker." And looking back, it was always yummy. And not just on Sundays, either. Every last day of the week. I can probably count on my hands the times my mom hasn't cooked. And she still gets me a bowl of cereal when I ask for one. With ice, please.
She loves Jazz. I can hum along with every easy listening tape and cd known to man because of that woman. She had this one tape or cd (it was during the transition time so I can't really remember which it was) called "Sunday Drive". She probably paid $5 for it at Books-A-Million, but everytime we drove to Alexandria on Saturdays, we listened to NPR and that cd. I can hear it in my head right now. Madness.
I couldn't tell you what her degree is in, but that woman knows everything. She's better than any psychologist or psychiatrist at telling exactly what is wrong. She's the one that taught me about people. How to read them, how to deal with them, and how to tell the good ones from the bad ones. She's usually always right about those things. And as much as I'm going to hate admitting this, she's really good at telling the good guys from the bad ones. If my mom doesn't like a guy, I probably shouldn't waste my time on them. Given, there hasn't been a single one I've liked that she's liked. When the day comes that my moma likes a guy I bring home, I'll be calling up Pastor Holmes to marry us quick before I manage to scare him off.
She believes in me. Always has. Even when I didn't deserve it. When I was lying straight to her face, she never questioned me. I think she only wants to see the good, even when the bad is staring her in the eyes. More than anything, she prays the good will overcome the bad. Thank God for a praying moma.
She has this smell. Its the same no matter what perfume she's wearing at the time. Which is usually "Romance" by Ralph Lauren. But her moma smell is different. It's comforting. It's one of those smells that you can't describe for anything in the world, but when you smell it you know exactly what it is.
She's funny. Sometimes. Haha. No, she's funny a lot, actually. My dad and I always give her a hard time about her sense of humor. When she cracks a joke we usually make a big deal about it because her humor isn't the same as our goofy, sarcasm. She sees the humor in a more dry, ironic way. She's always reading us something she thinks is funny and we might not be busting a gut, but it's always funny in a different way. That's another thing; she's always reading something.
She's a "realist", whatever that means. I always gripe at her for seeing the negative side of things. Like when I got my driver's license. I passed, had my picture taken for it, drove home. Then, she throws a wet blanket on my day by showing me an article on msn.com (her favorite site, I believe) about a 16 year old girl who wrecked her car and killed everybody in it. That's a "realist" for you.
She's really strong. She's had to be. She keeps her family in church. She is always the spiritual leader when the occasion has called for it. My moma loves God. And then she loves her family.
She has these laughing fits. I think it's because she tries to be so serious so much that she builds up all this hysteria inside and it just has to come out. Once we were driving home from church and I was eating fried chicken and chocolate (I know, why..?) and I picked up a crumb from my lap and ate it thinking it was chicken. It was really chocolate and I said "That could have been a bug and I would have still eaten it!" She died laughing. She laughed for miles. To the point of tears. She had to pull over into the post office parking lot because she couldn't even drive anymore. It wasn't even funny!! She just "needed the laugh." And to this day, "The Sports Bra" always makes me laugh.
She loves my dad. She's crazy about him and he's crazy about her. They still dance around the house and as much as it sickens me to see, I love the fact that they still go around kissing on each other. I hope someday, somebody loves me the way they love each other. Why she fell for him in the first place, is beyond me. He was a tall, skinny, red haired army guy with an earring!! But he's charming and funny. And let's face it, they had some good looking kids.. =) go listen to "I'll Always Love You" by Taylor Dayne and picture my parents slow dancing in the living room giggling like little kids. That's a scene from the days of my life at home.
She's a great writer. Really. And I wish she could get a book published. I wish I had time to list all the phrases and sayings I've heard come out of her mouth in my lifetime. That's a book, right there. Stuff Mawmaw said to her, and no doubt Mawmaw Big said to her. Stuff southern ladies say. Stuff I'll probably say to my kids and they'll laugh at me just like I laugh at my mom.
And even though I don't tell her enough, she really is the best moma.
My Moma.
Is that not sad? It got me thinking of all the reasons I love my mom. Not just the standard "She's there for me when I need her." "She takes care of me when I'm sick." and that whole "She gave me life" thing.. But the things that make me think about her and the things that come to mind when I think of my mom, Deidre Lynette Holaway Thomason.
She always cooks on Sundays. Occasionally when I was growing up, we would go get chicken at Tootie's or MAYBE go to Pizza Hut in Oakdale. But most of the time when I pitched a fit to go eat nasty restaurant food, my mom had "something in the slow cooker." And looking back, it was always yummy. And not just on Sundays, either. Every last day of the week. I can probably count on my hands the times my mom hasn't cooked. And she still gets me a bowl of cereal when I ask for one. With ice, please.
She loves Jazz. I can hum along with every easy listening tape and cd known to man because of that woman. She had this one tape or cd (it was during the transition time so I can't really remember which it was) called "Sunday Drive". She probably paid $5 for it at Books-A-Million, but everytime we drove to Alexandria on Saturdays, we listened to NPR and that cd. I can hear it in my head right now. Madness.
I couldn't tell you what her degree is in, but that woman knows everything. She's better than any psychologist or psychiatrist at telling exactly what is wrong. She's the one that taught me about people. How to read them, how to deal with them, and how to tell the good ones from the bad ones. She's usually always right about those things. And as much as I'm going to hate admitting this, she's really good at telling the good guys from the bad ones. If my mom doesn't like a guy, I probably shouldn't waste my time on them. Given, there hasn't been a single one I've liked that she's liked. When the day comes that my moma likes a guy I bring home, I'll be calling up Pastor Holmes to marry us quick before I manage to scare him off.
She believes in me. Always has. Even when I didn't deserve it. When I was lying straight to her face, she never questioned me. I think she only wants to see the good, even when the bad is staring her in the eyes. More than anything, she prays the good will overcome the bad. Thank God for a praying moma.
She has this smell. Its the same no matter what perfume she's wearing at the time. Which is usually "Romance" by Ralph Lauren. But her moma smell is different. It's comforting. It's one of those smells that you can't describe for anything in the world, but when you smell it you know exactly what it is.
She's funny. Sometimes. Haha. No, she's funny a lot, actually. My dad and I always give her a hard time about her sense of humor. When she cracks a joke we usually make a big deal about it because her humor isn't the same as our goofy, sarcasm. She sees the humor in a more dry, ironic way. She's always reading us something she thinks is funny and we might not be busting a gut, but it's always funny in a different way. That's another thing; she's always reading something.
She's a "realist", whatever that means. I always gripe at her for seeing the negative side of things. Like when I got my driver's license. I passed, had my picture taken for it, drove home. Then, she throws a wet blanket on my day by showing me an article on msn.com (her favorite site, I believe) about a 16 year old girl who wrecked her car and killed everybody in it. That's a "realist" for you.
She's really strong. She's had to be. She keeps her family in church. She is always the spiritual leader when the occasion has called for it. My moma loves God. And then she loves her family.
She has these laughing fits. I think it's because she tries to be so serious so much that she builds up all this hysteria inside and it just has to come out. Once we were driving home from church and I was eating fried chicken and chocolate (I know, why..?) and I picked up a crumb from my lap and ate it thinking it was chicken. It was really chocolate and I said "That could have been a bug and I would have still eaten it!" She died laughing. She laughed for miles. To the point of tears. She had to pull over into the post office parking lot because she couldn't even drive anymore. It wasn't even funny!! She just "needed the laugh." And to this day, "The Sports Bra" always makes me laugh.
She loves my dad. She's crazy about him and he's crazy about her. They still dance around the house and as much as it sickens me to see, I love the fact that they still go around kissing on each other. I hope someday, somebody loves me the way they love each other. Why she fell for him in the first place, is beyond me. He was a tall, skinny, red haired army guy with an earring!! But he's charming and funny. And let's face it, they had some good looking kids.. =) go listen to "I'll Always Love You" by Taylor Dayne and picture my parents slow dancing in the living room giggling like little kids. That's a scene from the days of my life at home.
She's a great writer. Really. And I wish she could get a book published. I wish I had time to list all the phrases and sayings I've heard come out of her mouth in my lifetime. That's a book, right there. Stuff Mawmaw said to her, and no doubt Mawmaw Big said to her. Stuff southern ladies say. Stuff I'll probably say to my kids and they'll laugh at me just like I laugh at my mom.
And even though I don't tell her enough, she really is the best moma.
My Moma.
The Lost Boys..
4.28.2009
Straight from the chronicles of the motherless, I am going to share with you all the things I've learned since living on my own. The dirty little secrets of life as an adult. All of the things you never thought you'd need to know.
Laundry does not do itself. It isn't good for anything. It sits around all day multiplying and eventually takes over your floor space.
Cooking is only fun when you want to do it. Not when you are forced to in order to sustain yourself.
Bills are evil.
Spatulas are way overrated. Pancakes are much better when made using primitive tools.
Paper plates may be blue collar, but they beat a sink full of dishes any day.
Couch slipcovers are tools of the devil to steal time from our day.
Febreeze also acts as a bug spray.
Mopping works out muscles you never knew you had or needed.
After this post, I'm sure my mother is turning all shades of red, including magenta.
I miss my moma.
Jamie..
4.04.2009
Jamie and I had an amazing day downtown taking these photos! It was just like old times! She was my very first model and I can't thank her enough for making my very first portrait shoot so memorable..
She looks stunning in these!
My hands are no longer idle..
.. it felt so good picking up my lil rebel again ;)
..it is a color..
2.15.2009
..Simply stated simple minded love for You Has simply been completely complicated And I’m finding this daily drudgery is finally catching up to me It’s time for this abandon to make much of You and less of me I want to breathe in I want to breathe in and out again I’m tired of putting one foot in front of the other I’m weary of where it leads me to I’m tired of moving on from my Father Make me rest my head, take a breath or two ..
..the road I'm on..
2.09.2009
So lately I've been thinking. Scary? Yes I know. But apparently it is something I'm suppose to do. Anyway, here are the results of this little brainstorm.I'm on this road. It's a long, windy road full of bumps and curves, detours and probably even a couple of required exits. I didn't exactly WANT to be on this road and this particular time, but regardless of my wants, here I am and I've got to deal with it.
Bro. Weeks talked about the battles we're fighting. The biggest giants we deal with. I'm up against my Goliath. My flesh wants to cave in and take the easy way out. But I know that I am exactly where I need to be. Yeah, I'm scared. I admit it. Ya happy? I'm pretty much terrified right now. But ya know, once the sting of the first few months wears off, I'll be better. I'll be a new me. Hopefully a better me. And I realize that Goliath is just the first of many. Sadly, David's fighting days didn't end when he put down that slingshot. After Goliath there's Saul, the Amalekites, that whole thing with Bathsheba and Uriah, and not to mention the problems with his kids. But look at all the good things that came from that guy! God was with him. God will be with me, too.
So I'm putting my foot out there and stepping onto this road. Okay, so I feel like I'm kinda being pushed onto it. =) And I probably won't be walking very fast at first. But I'm making an effort. I'll buy some new running shoes or something and eventually I'll be watching the miles go by. Mile marker 1. 2. 3..
..What you thought was real in life somehow steered you wrong
Now you just keep drivin' tryin' to find out where you belong
I know you feel helpless now and I know you feel alone
That's the same road, that same road that I am on..
..I wish I had what I need
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone
And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land
And all I see
It could never make me happy And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing
Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough
It's my birthday tomorrow
No one here could know
I was born this Thursday
22 years ago
And I feel stuck
Watching history repeating
Yeah, who am I?
Just a kid who knows he's needy
Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough..
Little Rockstar~
2.02.2009
Everyday this little guy gives us more and more reasons to be crazy about him. He let us play with his hair and of course, I had to document the end result =)
With everything that's been happening in our family lately, this song keeps coming to my mind. I hate how things are playing out, I really do. More than anything I hate that I won't be able to see him everyday while he's changing and growing up. He's more than just a little brother.. He's my little man.
"Gavin's Song" by Marc Broussard .
With everything that's been happening in our family lately, this song keeps coming to my mind. I hate how things are playing out, I really do. More than anything I hate that I won't be able to see him everyday while he's changing and growing up. He's more than just a little brother.. He's my little man.
"Gavin's Song" by Marc Broussard .
I wish you freedom
I wish you peace
I wish you nights of stars
That beckon you to sleep
I wish you heartache
That leaves you more of a man
I wish I could be there
But I can't
I wish you places
That sit so still
Where people never ever change
and never ever will
I wish I could hold you
And make you understand
I wish I could be there
But I can't
Be good for your mama
Cause she'll need a hand to hold
Boy, she loves you
More than you'll ever know
There are rhymes and there are reasons
And times when nothing stayed the same
But you know my love still remains
I wish you wisdom
I wish you years
I wish you armies
To conquer all your fears
I wish you courage
for all that life demands
I wish I could be there
But I can't
Be good for your mama
Cause she'll need a hand to hold
Boy, she loves you
More than you'll ever know
There are rhymes and there are reasons
And times when nothing stayed the same
But you know my love still remains
I wish we were together
I wish I was home
I wish there were nights
Where I was never alone
I know I've said it
But I'll say it once again
I wish I could be there
But I can't..
I wish you peace
I wish you nights of stars
That beckon you to sleep
I wish you heartache
That leaves you more of a man
I wish I could be there
But I can't
I wish you places
That sit so still
Where people never ever change
and never ever will
I wish I could hold you
And make you understand
I wish I could be there
But I can't
Be good for your mama
Cause she'll need a hand to hold
Boy, she loves you
More than you'll ever know
There are rhymes and there are reasons
And times when nothing stayed the same
But you know my love still remains
I wish you wisdom
I wish you years
I wish you armies
To conquer all your fears
I wish you courage
for all that life demands
I wish I could be there
But I can't
Be good for your mama
Cause she'll need a hand to hold
Boy, she loves you
More than you'll ever know
There are rhymes and there are reasons
And times when nothing stayed the same
But you know my love still remains
I wish we were together
I wish I was home
I wish there were nights
Where I was never alone
I know I've said it
But I'll say it once again
I wish I could be there
But I can't..
Uplift Winter Banquet..
1.07.2009
Click on the photos to see the full image.. I'm not sure what happened here..?
Love these crazy kids!
Love these crazy kids!
